Our Song(s)

One for each of you who, if for even a moment, held a piece of her heart.

"505" by The Arctic Monkeys

I'm going back to 505,

If it's a 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive,

In my imagination you're waiting lying on your side,

With your hands between your thighs,

Stop and wait a sec,

Oh when you look at me like that my darling,

What did you expect,

I probably still adore you with your hands around my neck,

Or I did last time I checked.

"Don't Stop Believing" by Journey

"Just a small town girl,

Living in a lonely world,

She took the midnight train going anywhere.

Just a city boy,

Born and raised in South Detroit,

He took the midnight train going anywhere...

... Strangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard,

Their shadows searching in the night.

Streetlight people, living just to find emotion,

Hiding somewhere in the night."

Bad Romance by Lady Gaga

"I want your ugly,

I want your disease,

I want your everything,

As long as it’s free...

...I want your drama,

The touch of your hand,

I want you leather studded kiss in the scene,

And I want your love...

...You know that I want you,

And you know that I need you,

I want a bad,your bad romance."

Blackhole Sun by Soundgarden

"In my eyes, indisposed,

In disguise as no one knows,

Hides the face, lies the snake,

in The sun in my disgrace.

Boiling heat, summer stench,

'Neath the black the sky looks dead,

Call my name through the cream,

And I'll hear you scream again.

Black hole sun,

Won't you come,

And wash away the rain.

Black hole sun,

Won't you come,

Won't you come."

"When Day Met the Night by Panic!" At the Disco

"When the moon fell in love with the sun,

All was golden in the sky,

All was golden when the day met the night.

When the sun found the moon,

She was drinking tea in a garden,

Under the green umbrella trees,

In the middle of summer.

When the moon found the sun,

He looked like he was barely hanging on,

But her eyes saved his life,

In the middle of summer.

In the middle of summer,

All was golden in the sky,

All was golden when the day met the night."

"Trip" by Hedley

"Some say love is not for sinners,

I believe that isn't true.

Cause when i was finished sinning,

love came down and showed me you.

And you told me how to get there,

so i tried to find a way.

Then i ran into your garden,

but I tripped out the gate,

I tripped out the gate.

What are you doing to me?

I'm so into you.

And the hardest part is knowing that i'll never follow through.

You're slowly killing me,

and i wish it wasn't true,

cause i'm so into you."

"The Walk" by Imogen Heap

"Inside-out, upside-down,

Twisting beside myself.

Stop that now,

'Cause you and I were never meant to meet.

I think you'd better leave.

It's not safe in here.

I feel a weakness coming on.

Alright then, (alright then.)

I could keep your number for a rainy day.

That's where this ends.

No mistakes no misbehaving.

I was doing so well.

Could we just be friends?

I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this.

Not what I planned at all.

I don't want to feel like this."

My Mom

She lied in her facebook status. To be honest, some days she does forget you.

But it wasn't all a lie. She does hope you are proud of her. You were the most amazing woman in the world. Endlessly patient, kind, understanding and beautiful. You raised her like your own daughter for 13 years. She only wishes she could have had more time with you. Wishes you could have listened to her singing in provincials. Applauded her after every play. Watched her receive her diploma. Sent her encouraging letters during college. Sat in the first row of her wedding. Held her first baby.

You taught her so much, she wishes you could be there to teach her more. Sometimes its so hard to understand why things happen. You should have been here to explain it. You should have been here to hold her hand when she got scared. Gave her hugs and told her how happy you are when she did something brave.

Sometimes when she thinks about you she doesn't want to do anything. It isn't fair that she gets to laugh and play and love and cry when you can't do anything anymore. You never got to be there for three of your children's weddings, but she did. You never got to hold your grandchildren and watch them grow a little more everyday, but she does. You don't get to sleep beside the man you love or take vacations, or feel stressed about all the madness and deception in the world.

I get to feel all these things. And you don't. And it's not fair.

Sometimes I say things, and do things, that I know you wouldn't like. Sometimes I hope you are watching over me everyday. Sometimes that thought scares me.

I think the only thing that could cheer me up is a jar of your cherries and a long game of Uno.

You took care of me everyday till I was ready to go to school. You taught me how to tie my shoes, and ride a bike. You make sure I ate healthy and didn't hurt myself when I played, and even when I did get hurt, you always kissed it better before the bandaid. You were a mom. Not only to your four children, but to Garrett and I as well.

But when I stopped needing you. When I was old enough to go home after school instead of your house, you left. There was no reason. You weren't sick. You weren't old. But you left anyways. I hadn't even visited you in a year. I hadn't gotten to say goodbye.

I love you and miss you so much. I wish you were still here. I wish you never had to leave. That you could kiss this pain and put a bandaid on it. But you can't. Because you died.

But I don't hate you for it. It may even make me love you more.

I hope you are resting in peace. You are the only reason why I have faith that there is somewhere up there, that you go to after life, where you can be happy everyday. I don't hope there is a heaven for myself. I hope there is a heaven for you. Because you were too good a person to just be gone.

Anna-lee Stonehocker. A mother, a friend and a life saver.
Because you loved me, I love you more.

An English assignment or pages of her Diary

Best read while listening to......
I Don't Care- Apocalyptica


I'm not really sure when i changed my mind. For some time now (almost a year!) I have been relatively happy with my current situation. Well, if I were to be honest, I would say I have been extremely happy with my situation. It is only my feelings now that are trying yo change the opinions I had in the past. I loved ____. Yes, yes I did and no matter how much I may wish against it, I did indeed feel that way. Of course, he never stated the same feelings in return but it never really bothered me. Girls are like that; they say everything too quick, they aren't afraid to express themselves and their emotions. I don't know why boys like to keep it all bottled up inside, I think I might explode if I didn't have regular venting sessions with my best friend. But maybe that is why this is all happening? Because I never stopped to question what I was saying or doing. At least, up until now.

I had never before questioned our relationship either. And what reason did I have to in the past anyways? ____ was perfect, and quite frankly I never thought i deserved his affection. I am a boring, nothing person in everything I do and how I attracted the attention of someone as wonderful and intricate as him, I doubt I will ever know. But something happened. As i sat beside ____ in a separate little world we had created together, I could also see people outside of it. And they were, as terrible as it seems, happier than me. I was outraged! I felt feelings of frustration and annoyance that I hadn't felt since I was part of that outside world. Why were they all happier than I was? How could they be? They were alone, they had no significant other, and they had nothing compared to me. I remember when I was them. I remember hating the fact that I had no one to share life with. I felt like I was the only person in the world without a partner. However, once I had achieved what I always wanted, it was no longer good enough. I wanted the freedom that my companion never seemed to allow. When the two of us first began together, we would push away everyone else in our lives to allow more room for each other. But for some reason, I couldn't seem to pull them back now.

And so here I am, in a beautiful relationship with a beautiful man yet at the same time feeling very much alone, and ugly. So as I sit here in this vulnerable state of mind, I can concentrate on nothing. And out of no where, a new boy has come into my life. He is definitely a boy, at least compared to my overly mature ____, and even though this new boy is older than ____ in years, his life seems to be filled with nothing but childlike playfulness and color.

This boy's name is ____, which I think even sounds like a child's name. Everything about him just seems to scream adventure! His friends are exciting, his career choice is unique, and he always seems to surprise me. He also keeps a certain mystery about him, which simply calls me forward with every hint he gives me to his true identity. I want more than anything to be near him and more than a few times I've considered risking my relationship with ____ for one with ____. But one opportunity after another I continually back out of it. When in the situation I can think nothing of caution. However, once alone to my thoughts, I feel overcome with guilt and remorse. I mean, what on Earth do I think I am doing? Everyone, including myself at most times, believes that ____ and I will be together forever, and that we will eventually get married, have a family, and live a very healthy life. But then at other times I wonder; am I going to miss out on something being with only one person my entire life? Am I going to continually miss out on people like ____ and watch my friends walk past with them on their arms rather than myself? Will I always be left feeling jealous? I don't know which to choose anymore. What if ____ really is the only person I am meant for? I might accidentally give that up for a couple of pointless weeks with a boy who has his head too much in the clouds to pay any attention to me. I don't know what to think. I am only __ years old, and here I am making decisions that will affect the rest of my life. The cruelty of the world and its life lessons are becoming too great a struggle for a young woman such as myself.

And I can speak of this to no one, for if I told this story of betrayal to either of the people I trust the most, I would no doubt lose that person forever.

Can't I just have both?

Where Did the Week Go?

Best read while listening to....
Le Disko- Shiny Toy Guns


Once again I find my time being spent on what my psychology instructor would call "unimportant and not urgent tasks" rather than "important and urgent tasks".

I know. What the hell am i talking about right? Well you could ask Mopey... Or I suppose I could take a minute to explain myself (therefore spending more time on non-productive tasks. Take that Kent!)

Alright. So to start off this explanation, you must know that I live in the dorms for university. However, for the past couple weeks I've been living more out of my boyfriend and good buddy's house rather than my own. This seems pointless considering my dorm is payed for and I have not offered to pay my way into their home.

Although you could say that I make up for this by supporting their frequent munchy attacks in the wee hours of the morning...

Regardless! It seems un-orthidox to spend every moment with them. Who needs men to affirm our confidence and success right ladies??!!









...women are weak.

The Power of Influence

The roommate has a blog... the boyfriend has a blog... his roommate and my good friend has a blog... a buddy of theirs and my new classmate has a blog... and the best friend is taking a class that involves creating and analysising blogs...

So here I am, joining in on the craze.

Surprising actually how long it took for me to get on board...

I am also surprising myself with the amount of ellipses I am using in this post. Yay, a quirk for my newly blossoming web diary!

Anyways, its seems I lack anythings remotely remarkable to say tonight... How does one come up with something interesting enough to share with the world?

Stupid philosophy minors and their insight...